Bachelor "Wings of Love" Ep.2 Recap of Sorts

Howdy do, fellow fliers!!!

What a night for reality "love" in the making!! There were a couple group dates, a one on one with Allie (which was completed by a live concert by Chicago) and finally 3 girls were left in the lurch with no date box. I would have felt worse for the 3 no daters, but Crazy Michelle was one of them, and her tirade was just funny. She stomped her feet and went upstairs TO PACK AND GO HOME because she didn't like that Jake didn't want a date with her. Hello? Crazy, party of one....(spoiler, she didn't go home....I know, shocker, huh? lol)

On the group date to the amusement parked Jake and Nanny Liz totally bonded, even though she told him NOT to kiss her unless he knew he wanted to kiss only her forever. HAHAHA!!! Um, yeah, OK!!! She proceeded to taunt him with not kissing her as they sat alone under the night sky as it exploded with a fireworks display just for the two of them. Meanwhile, the other girls (especially Princess Vienna) hated on the Nanny, what with her bachelor voodoo and all. (my words, not hers!) Vienna, by the way, revealed to Jake (dramatically, of couse) that at age 17 she was engaged to her pastor's son. She broke off the engagement and one month later he was marrying someone else. YIKES!! In rebellion, she then eloped with some guy she didn't even know in Vegas (a la Britney Spears) and 4 months later she was divorced. In a one on one moment Tenley decided she would tell Jake about being divorced but choked and lost her nerve.

We round out this week's show with Chris interrupting the cocktail party while Jake was outside with some random chick, to ask Future Bunny Rozlyn to join him outside. DUN DUN DUUUUUN!!! As we all knew by now (unless you've been hiding under a rock for the last week, which if so...OUCH!!) Rozlyn "allegedly" entered in to "an inappropriate relationship" with a Bachelor producer or staffer of some sort. Rather than just cop to it, Rozlyn's response was "I don't see what my personal life has to do with anything." and "the other girls previous relationships don't have anything to do with here." Are you FROLICKING KIDDING ME???? You weren't engaging in said activities before you got on the show. WHAT A TWIT!!! They told her to pack her bags then and there and go home immediately. Chris went outside to tell our fearless Bachelor the, um, bad? news and boy oh boy you'd have thought Chris had put Jake's balls in a vice and spun him around. When he spoke he poignantly asked "Can I get my rose back?"

So emotional ending to this weeks show. Jake is mad and sad & I feel inclined to let him take his shirt off, climb into my lap, curl into a ball and cry.

Shock, awe and anger fill the ladies when Chris and Jake finally tell them what's going on. Our Twinkettes begin crying just knowing that their future ex-boyfriend is now "brokenhearted". I don't know how to break it to them that he'll get over it in the next couple of episodes, of course it's most likely going to take kisses from all of the "ladies" (10 bucks says Nanny Liz gives in!!).

I now would like to share an open letter to all future Bachelor hopeful female people.
Dear Future Reality Dating Show Contestant:
Before wasting your time, our time and the time of the one looking for (temporary) love, we ask that you decide exactly who you are coming on the show to get it on with. We are totally cool with you lovin on (fill in the blank) but producers, gaffers, light crew, gardners, caterers, interior designers, housekeepers, maintenance workers, chauffers, helicopter pilots, etc will NOT be tolerated. (We reserve the right to add to this list of unapproved staffers as positions come to light).

Sincerely,
Mgmt

And with that, those leaving us tonight are: (insert musical montage looking back at their (not so) memorable time with us)

Michelle!!! HAHAHA....no such luck. Even after telling him she had her bags packed from her little tantrum he STILL gave her a rose!!! OY!!!

Ok, the real 2 going home are......

Ashley the teacher from Pennsylvania
AND
Christina the Restaurant Mgr from California (considering I had already forgotten who she was I'm not saddened by the loss..lol)

Next time on THE BACHELOR "ON THE WINGS OF LOVE":
Jake and a blond go bungee jumping, the girls argue about a whole bunch of stuff, Crazy Michelle is still crazy and Chris is heard saying "You know, I don't think we need to wait for a rose ceremony. I think you should go now." Aren't you just on the edge of your seat???? lol

This is your Captain of Blog. Over & out.

New Season of The Bachelor. Episode 1 Recap

The new season of The Bachelor is upon us! Stupid name this season “On the wings of love”. we get it, he’s a pilot…

Our evening begins with flashbacks of last season meeting Jillian, some of Jake’s “best” moments leading up to Jill sending him packing, all while the familiar twinkly sounding music plays in the background.

“Now Jake will get his chance to find love” (thanks Chris Harrison!) and cut to Jake taking off his shirt. It only took 2 minutes to get there (thank you ABC!) With a few more “memorable” moments from last season, shots of Jake in his pilot costume, er, I mean uniform, the new season is under way.

Cut to Jake in the shower, rubbing himself (not kidding) all wet and shiny. The Jake in the shower shots probably lasted longer than necessary, but I just can’t bring myself to complain about that.

The first batch in the limo and off to meet the Bachelor (which if the past is any indicator, he’ll still be after it’s all said and done) “I’m risking it all for love & letting my heart lead….and in the end hopefully propose to my future wife” How sweet. And how utterly delusional.

Ahhhh, Chris Harrison how we’ve missed you….I just felt that that should be said.

Jake arrives on, a, a, MOTORCYCLE??? Good grief. He is so squeaky clean it isn’t even funny. Ok, maybe a little funny. He sits down on a couch for the mandatory pre-chick arrival interview with Chris and all I keep thinking is “when are they going to show him shirtless again?” If they got rid of the chicks and just showed Jake doing random things with his shirt off, it’d be a much better show. Grocery shopping, chopping potatoes, getting the mail, shoe shopping, clipping his fingernails…who cares!! As long as the boy has no shirt on. ROFL…and adding to his delusion, he also thinks that Jillian and Ed will get married. SERIOUSLY??? I’m dyin here, Jake!!

Chris asks “Would you give up flying, for love if you met a girl that said she just couldn‘t get in a plane?” (Gee, do you think one of the girls has this problem??) Jake responds with, “You know what? Love is more powerful than flying.” Yeah, sure.

LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN (hope you have all your shots)

25 new “ladies” will vie for his love. They are:

Allie ; 25 blond, cute, she divulges in her interview about her ex bf and how he would cheat on her with her roommate while they all lived together! She brought him a peacock feather? If that was the best gift you had to bring, please get back in the car and go home. Save yourself. From a humor standpoint she redeemed herself when she got one on one time and tripped on her dress & ripped it…lmbo

Alexa: 25 used word orgasm in interview rides motorcycle showed up wearing little black motorcycle gloves. A little rough, ok a LOT rough. I think she would hurt Jake. No, not emotionally, PHYSICALLY!

Tenley: 25 is a dancer (not stripper) but seemingly very flexible and divorced

Elizabeth: brunette, no fashion sense (self admitted) Air Guard. Bottom line, she bores me. Her time is short lived

Rozlyn: 28 is a model and makeup artist, kinda skanky looking, waiting for Hustler or playboy . She informed Jake “Fasten your seat belt. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride” ugh Again…WE KNOW HE IS A PILOT!

Christina: 25 Self admitted “guys girl” brought him a big basket of jellybeans for all the girls as their “parting gifts” started HANDING THEM OUT when she got inside….not gonna be popular

Vienna: 23 This girl can’t walk in high heels (almost bit it walking during her interview trying to look sexy) “I love myself, am a huge daddy’s girl, and spoiled rotten. He (daddy) has bought me 5 cars , I’ve wrecked them all” “mommy” to little rat dog CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL

Ashley: 29 Her mom sent her tons of clothes for show, teacher

Elizabeth: 29, is a stunning brunette, but not ok with Jake kissing other girls & is a nanny

Ella: 29 TN girl single mom to Ethan seems strong in herself. She’s a boxer & kinda looks like southern Jillian . She asked Jake, “How’s it feel talkin to the woman you’re gonna marry?”

Gia: 25 is a swimsuit model, pageant girl, great hair (only really impressive quality I see), annoying voice

Kimberly: 24 NBA dancer

Emily: 23 is a fit model, cute girl

Tiana 31 from Canada that’s really all that’s worth saying about her

Caitlyn: 24 “spokes model” “you look great in a suit, but can’t wait to see you in your uniform”

Kirsten: 25 bland bland bland

Michelle 25 ready to be a wife flew like an airplane to meet him. Vroom vroom…

Jessie “do you have a register for these guns” GO HOME It made no sense!!

Kathryn: flight attendant, blond, adorable

Corrie: Kissimmee Florida, she kinda threw him off asked stupid question

Channy: speaks Cambodian, very very tiny yellow dress

Ashleigh, blond, ANNOYING….literally RAN in to his arms and about knocked him over!!

Alicia brought him DIRT….from TEXAS to “show him their common ground” Dirt? Are you freakin kidding me????

Stephanie: Dance teacher from IL

Sheila: another pilot (2 of the best looking pilots ever)

　

Tidbits from the party:

Jake asked Allie for one on one time first, only to be interrupted by Corrie. During her time alone, Channy let us know that“he needs a little Cambodian Fever” Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that isn’t something you want your significant other to catch, especially on your first meeting…then she TOLD HIM “you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime!” WHAT????

One of the girls was overheard making a very obvious statement: “A lot of these girls have their ta-tas out to play” DUH!! Have you SEEN this show before????

I liked & respected the fact that Ella was forthcoming about having a son & gave Jake a toy airplane from her son. Jake seemed receptive and not freaked out at all.

Ashley came out in a little Halloween costume of a flight attendant…other girls NOT diggin that whatsoever. Jake played catch with a football with Elizabeth the nanny before getting bombarded by a whole gaggle of predators, I mean, suitors Blonds vs. Brunettes.

As Jake is going off talking to girls, Michelle is already in tears, overwhelmed by the situation at hand of sharing him with 24 other women. Ugh, a mental breakdown after knowing him for ONE HOUR!! Get a hold of yourself, dumb girl!!!

So help me if one more of these girls uses the term “I want to be your co pilot” I am gonna puke. We GET it!!! He’s a pilot…ha ha ha, and pilots need co pilots to fly a plane. Ha ha ha ha….oh wait, yeah, NOT FUNNY OR WITTY!!

Enter Chris Harrison…..”We decided Jake needed a little help tonight…” Enter Jillian and Ed. Really? REALLY?? And then Jake speaks: “It just shows that things work out the way they’re meant to. Jason found someone & Jillian found someone. Now it’s my turn.” Um, hey, Jake? Beautiful, sweet, delusional Jake? Jason met and CHOSE Melissa and then, like a total TOOL dumped her for his 2^nd runner up. I don’t know that I would look up to him as a former Bachelor. Maybe as a what NOT to do…..and Jillian chose a guy who was sleeping with 2 other girls while you were vying for her heart. (Say what they want, ya know that one is true!!).

So let’s see what Jill & Ed have to say about our girls. Hey, if nothing else, Ed can find his next woman.

Meanwhile, Tenley went in for a KISS. Wow. Move fast much? However, upon learning that she’s only ever been with one man (her ex hubby) I don’t feel like I can judge this one.

To consider for 1^st impression rose:

Ed: Nanny Elizabeth, Pilot Sheila

Jill: Single Mom Ella, Flight Attendant Kathryn

To go home

Ed: Crazy Mental Michelle

Jill: Crazy Mental Michelle

And the 1^st Impression rose goes to……….TENLEY! At least it wasn’t one of the trashy icky girls. And with that Chris reappears to steal Jake aware from the clutches of the banshees to make his decision.

Blah blah blah, yakkety schmakkety……GET ON WITH GETTING RID OF 10!!!

Still in the running are: (In order of rose distribution)

Single Mom Ella

Nanny Elizabeth

Peacock Feather Allie

Spoiled Rotten Vienna (ick!)

Jellybean Christina

Great hair Gia

Teacher Ashley (flight attendant costume)

Playboy in Waiting Rozlyn

Canadian Jessie

Corrie

Alicia the Dirt Giver

Blond Ashleigh

Flight Attendant Kathryn

Enter Captain Obvious…..final rose

Crazy Mental Michelle!!!!! WTH!!??

And the last rose goes to show that Jake is clearly off his rocker and no doubt more bad decisions are in the works for this season. He let several good choices go tonight & there were more than a couple that I was surprised that he chose to stay. As with any season, however, the remainder promises to be filled with drama, tears, angst and everything else that draws us in to watch this train wreck of a tv show season after season. And lucky for you, I’ll be here to navigate the friendly skies. Consider me your pilot & you? Well you can be my co-pilot. Will you accept this rose??

The fasten seatbelt sign has now been turned off. You are now free to walk about the cabin freely. Until next week, over and out.