The new season of The Bachelor is upon us! Stupid name this season “On the wings of love”. we get it, he’s a pilot…
Our evening begins with flashbacks of last season meeting Jillian, some of Jake’s “best” moments leading up to Jill sending him packing, all while the familiar twinkly sounding music plays in the background.
“Now Jake will get his chance to find love” (thanks Chris Harrison!) and cut to Jake taking off his shirt. It only took 2 minutes to get there (thank you ABC!) With a few more “memorable” moments from last season, shots of Jake in his pilot costume, er, I mean uniform, the new season is under way.
Cut to Jake in the shower, rubbing himself (not kidding) all wet and shiny. The Jake in the shower shots probably lasted longer than necessary, but I just can’t bring myself to complain about that.
The first batch in the limo and off to meet the Bachelor (which if the past is any indicator, he’ll still be after it’s all said and done) “I’m risking it all for love & letting my heart lead….and in the end hopefully propose to my future wife” How sweet. And how utterly delusional.
Ahhhh, Chris Harrison how we’ve missed you….I just felt that that should be said.
Jake arrives on, a, a, MOTORCYCLE??? Good grief. He is so squeaky clean it isn’t even funny. Ok, maybe a little funny. He sits down on a couch for the mandatory pre-chick arrival interview with Chris and all I keep thinking is “when are they going to show him shirtless again?” If they got rid of the chicks and just showed Jake doing random things with his shirt off, it’d be a much better show. Grocery shopping, chopping potatoes, getting the mail, shoe shopping, clipping his fingernails…who cares!! As long as the boy has no shirt on. ROFL…and adding to his delusion, he also thinks that Jillian and Ed will get married. SERIOUSLY??? I’m dyin here, Jake!!
Chris asks “Would you give up flying, for love if you met a girl that said she just couldn‘t get in a plane?” (Gee, do you think one of the girls has this problem??) Jake responds with, “You know what? Love is more powerful than flying.” Yeah, sure.
LET THE JOURNEY BEGIN (hope you have all your shots)
25 new “ladies” will vie for his love. They are:
Allie ; 25 blond, cute, she divulges in her interview about her ex bf and how he would cheat on her with her roommate while they all lived together! She brought him a peacock feather? If that was the best gift you had to bring, please get back in the car and go home. Save yourself. From a humor standpoint she redeemed herself when she got one on one time and tripped on her dress & ripped it…lmbo
Alexa: 25 used word orgasm in interview rides motorcycle showed up wearing little black motorcycle gloves. A little rough, ok a LOT rough. I think she would hurt Jake. No, not emotionally, PHYSICALLY!
Tenley: 25 is a dancer (not stripper) but seemingly very flexible and divorced
Elizabeth: brunette, no fashion sense (self admitted) Air Guard. Bottom line, she bores me. Her time is short lived
Rozlyn: 28 is a model and makeup artist, kinda skanky looking, waiting for Hustler or playboy . She informed Jake “Fasten your seat belt. It’s gonna be a bumpy ride” ugh Again…WE KNOW HE IS A PILOT!
Christina: 25 Self admitted “guys girl” brought him a big basket of jellybeans for all the girls as their “parting gifts” started HANDING THEM OUT when she got inside….not gonna be popular
Vienna: 23 This girl can’t walk in high heels (almost bit it walking during her interview trying to look sexy) “I love myself, am a huge daddy’s girl, and spoiled rotten. He (daddy) has bought me 5 cars , I’ve wrecked them all” “mommy” to little rat dog CANNOT STAND THIS GIRL
Ashley: 29 Her mom sent her tons of clothes for show, teacher
Elizabeth: 29, is a stunning brunette, but not ok with Jake kissing other girls & is a nanny
Ella: 29 TN girl single mom to Ethan seems strong in herself. She’s a boxer & kinda looks like southern Jillian . She asked Jake, “How’s it feel talkin to the woman you’re gonna marry?”
Gia: 25 is a swimsuit model, pageant girl, great hair (only really impressive quality I see), annoying voice
Kimberly: 24 NBA dancer
Emily: 23 is a fit model, cute girl
Tiana 31 from Canada that’s really all that’s worth saying about her
Caitlyn: 24 “spokes model” “you look great in a suit, but can’t wait to see you in your uniform”
Kirsten: 25 bland bland bland
Michelle 25 ready to be a wife flew like an airplane to meet him. Vroom vroom…
Jessie “do you have a register for these guns” GO HOME It made no sense!!
Kathryn: flight attendant, blond, adorable
Corrie: Kissimmee Florida, she kinda threw him off asked stupid question
Channy: speaks Cambodian, very very tiny yellow dress
Ashleigh, blond, ANNOYING….literally RAN in to his arms and about knocked him over!!
Alicia brought him DIRT….from TEXAS to “show him their common ground” Dirt? Are you freakin kidding me????
Stephanie: Dance teacher from IL
Sheila: another pilot (2 of the best looking pilots ever)
Tidbits from the party:
Jake asked Allie for one on one time first, only to be interrupted by Corrie. During her time alone, Channy let us know that“he needs a little Cambodian Fever” Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but that isn’t something you want your significant other to catch, especially on your first meeting…then she TOLD HIM “you can land your plane on my landing strip anytime!” WHAT????
One of the girls was overheard making a very obvious statement: “A lot of these girls have their ta-tas out to play” DUH!! Have you SEEN this show before????
I liked & respected the fact that Ella was forthcoming about having a son & gave Jake a toy airplane from her son. Jake seemed receptive and not freaked out at all.
Ashley came out in a little Halloween costume of a flight attendant…other girls NOT diggin that whatsoever. Jake played catch with a football with Elizabeth the nanny before getting bombarded by a whole gaggle of predators, I mean, suitors Blonds vs. Brunettes.
As Jake is going off talking to girls, Michelle is already in tears, overwhelmed by the situation at hand of sharing him with 24 other women. Ugh, a mental breakdown after knowing him for ONE HOUR!! Get a hold of yourself, dumb girl!!!
So help me if one more of these girls uses the term “I want to be your co pilot” I am gonna puke. We GET it!!! He’s a pilot…ha ha ha, and pilots need co pilots to fly a plane. Ha ha ha ha….oh wait, yeah, NOT FUNNY OR WITTY!!
Enter Chris Harrison…..”We decided Jake needed a little help tonight…” Enter Jillian and Ed. Really? REALLY?? And then Jake speaks: “It just shows that things work out the way they’re meant to. Jason found someone & Jillian found someone. Now it’s my turn.” Um, hey, Jake? Beautiful, sweet, delusional Jake? Jason met and CHOSE Melissa and then, like a total TOOL dumped her for his 2nd runner up. I don’t know that I would look up to him as a former Bachelor. Maybe as a what NOT to do…..and Jillian chose a guy who was sleeping with 2 other girls while you were vying for her heart. (Say what they want, ya know that one is true!!).
So let’s see what Jill & Ed have to say about our girls. Hey, if nothing else, Ed can find his next woman.
Meanwhile, Tenley went in for a KISS. Wow. Move fast much? However, upon learning that she’s only ever been with one man (her ex hubby) I don’t feel like I can judge this one.
To consider for 1st impression rose:
Ed: Nanny Elizabeth, Pilot Sheila
Jill: Single Mom Ella, Flight Attendant Kathryn
To go home
Ed: Crazy Mental Michelle
Jill: Crazy Mental Michelle
And the 1st Impression rose goes to……….TENLEY! At least it wasn’t one of the trashy icky girls. And with that Chris reappears to steal Jake aware from the clutches of the banshees to make his decision.
Blah blah blah, yakkety schmakkety……GET ON WITH GETTING RID OF 10!!!
Still in the running are: (In order of rose distribution)
Single Mom Ella
Nanny Elizabeth
Peacock Feather Allie
Spoiled Rotten Vienna (ick!)
Jellybean Christina
Great hair Gia
Teacher Ashley (flight attendant costume)
Playboy in Waiting Rozlyn
Canadian Jessie
Corrie
Alicia the Dirt Giver
Blond Ashleigh
Flight Attendant Kathryn
Enter Captain Obvious…..final rose
Crazy Mental Michelle!!!!! WTH!!??
And the last rose goes to show that Jake is clearly off his rocker and no doubt more bad decisions are in the works for this season. He let several good choices go tonight & there were more than a couple that I was surprised that he chose to stay. As with any season, however, the remainder promises to be filled with drama, tears, angst and everything else that draws us in to watch this train wreck of a tv show season after season. And lucky for you, I’ll be here to navigate the friendly skies. Consider me your pilot & you? Well you can be my co-pilot. Will you accept this rose??
The fasten seatbelt sign has now been turned off. You are now free to walk about the cabin freely. Until next week, over and out.
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